You're like the curious george of whores
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
