Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
