you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
