I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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