where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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