Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
