So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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