you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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