haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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