upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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