I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
