i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
