omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
