Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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