I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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