i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
