He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
