Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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