i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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