I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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