Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hippo gnu deer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
