she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
