I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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