Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
