the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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