I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
