i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
