How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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