i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
