the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
