what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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