The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
