9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
