May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
