I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
