Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
