I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
