how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize