You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
