also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
