I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
