I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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