i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
