did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
