"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
