And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
