"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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