Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
