I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
