He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
