my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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