ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
