and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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