i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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