I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
