She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
