don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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