My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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