dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
