so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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