My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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