google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
