I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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