I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
