so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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