I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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