i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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