just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
