Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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