I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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