I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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