Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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