I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
