someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
