Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
