so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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