I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
